March 21, 2005

Alrighty, just got off work for the night and at home about to fold some laundry that's been clean for about a week...sad. Looks like I'm going to be home all of summer. Working full time the first half and working part time the second half while I take two classes at UCF. The course times offered up here suck. They're in the middle of the day making it impossible for me to work more than 15 hours a week which sucks so I'm coming home. It definately has its benefits, I'll actually get a summer, I havent had a summer in three years now...wow. And I'm gonna be able to work full time for a while and save up some money so hopefully I won't have to work quite so much in Fall. Also Chad's gonna be home this summer so we'll get to spend all of summer together instead of just second half like when I was gona be up here for half of summer. I know my mom is especially happy about me spending all of summer down there. She misses me a lot and knows as soon as I'm done with undergrad I'll prolly be moving far away for grad school so she's happy to get a summer with me. Plus my sister is getting married in September so this will give me a lot of time to spend with my sister before that happens and time to finish planning the wedding! Due to the summer delay looks like I'm graduating in Summer next year instead of Spring. I still COULD graduate in Spring I just don't wanna have to take 18 credits this Fall and 17 in Spring so I'm spacing it out. I could even start graduate school in Fall 2006 which is what I was planning anyway. So I'm graduating a little later but it still works out just fine.

Things with Chad are wonderful as always, I can't believe it's already been almost a month of us being official. Time flies when the time is spent well! As Chad's mom would say: "We're in LAUVE"! I lauve you Chad!

I stayed up til about....3am last night/this morning in order to study for this music history test that was worth 20% of my grade and woke up again this morning at 5:30 so study some more since I have Spanish at 8am everyday. I think I did ok on the test, better than last time which is good, prolly a B. It looks like my grades for the semester are gonna be all B's and an A...if I get a C in Spanish I'm gonna take French I over summer and have it replace that grade. I should have done that to start with because I know a lot of French so French will be an easy A.

Anyway so classes are finally working out. I was so fristrated at first because I've been in college straight, every semester, every summer since I started and I feel lazy thinking of not being in at least two classes all summer, but its ok.

School's good, Boyfriend's good, Family's good, Work is good...everything is going good right now! I hope everyone else's end of the semester is wrapping up well!

March 5, 2005

I guess I can't really express everything that's going on in words. I know almost everyday for the past week and a half I have been lucky enough to be able to wake up next to someone and not cringe when I look over at him...to actually feel really comfortable and pleased with what I wake up to. I am very happy with that. Just cuddling til we both fall asleep and getting to wake up to a kiss or wake up to him grabbing my hand. It's a great feeling.

Chad has a meet today. He's on the track team and he pole vaults(yes this means he has an incredibly athletic body, hehe), so he's jumping around noon today. He just left to get ready and go to warm ups. I know he'll do great even if he is a little nervous. It's gonna be a cool feeling sitting in the bleachers and watching MY BOYFRIEND jump. Yes, it has been official since last Sunday. Sorry if I forgot to mention that it's been official but yes our date is February 27th. I haven't a clue what date our first date was...wow it was a while ago..oh well.

Midterms are over and I think I got good grades on everything actually (except Spanish...Chad is my official tutor now). I actually got extra credit in all the classes I went to on Friday because no one else showed up to any classes so that was nice. I might as well have gone, Chad and I aren't leaving Tallahassee til tommorrow because of his track meet today and my roommate's show tonight.

It was funny. I have tonsilitis and I've been having trouble talking and stuff so Thursday night I wanted to call my mom to check in because I lost my voice Monday and that was the last time I had talked to her so....I had Chad call. It was so cute! He was expecting my mom to pick up and it was my dad at first. Dad tries not to like any boyfriends but I had already told him about this one back in December and he sounded interested. Anyway so when Chad and I started going on dates and hanging out more and more as soon as we got back from Christmas break my dad seemed to like the idea of me dating a guy who's in college and actually doing something with his life and Chad is definately doing that. (Plus Chad was in ROTC-Marines and dad was a marine. Anyway so I think my dad pretended to be tough and have nothing really to say but I think my dad likes this one. I know my mom likes him. I know she talks a lot to everyone but she did talk a lot to Chad. It was funny, she kept going on about everything. Chad just sorta listened we were laughing as she just went on. Anyway so my mom is really looking forward to meeting him. I don't think I've found anything wrong with this guy to complain about. It's great. Plus my parents really want me to be a with a guy who's not a leach and just gonna "sponge off of my successes." My parents have all these huge ideas about where I'm gonna end up in my career with the singing and with the psychology, it's nice for them to have so many big dreams for me, but that just means I need to be with a guy who has just as many big dreams and this is really the first guy I've come across that I'm really attracted to AND has the complete package as far as a future goes. And I've noticed anytime we've had the smallest bit of a problem we talk about it and it's over and done with. It's great, we're both rational people therefore aren't fighters(just causing drama all the time, actually we're both so anti-drama). So things are going really good. REALLY good. I can't wait for Spring break. I'll hopefully be at the beach pretty often this week. I know I'll be going at least once with Mr. Hubbs, it'll be so awesome. I've been watchin my diet and lost 10 lbs and look slimmer and he's got an athletic body and an adorable face, we're gonna be one of those picture perfect couples hanging out at the beach...I've never had that so it should be fun. Hopefully I'll be going fishing one of the days too...hmmm we'll see. Looking forward to coming home and spending time with certain people! Chris, Justin, and their gfs triple date! Yay! Dyan and Patrick, double date! yay! It's gonna be a fun week. I might get on here and update on how spendid "meet the parents" is going....lil nervous but they already saw my pic and said i was really pretty so that's good...lol. Anyway Orlando people, I should be home tommorrow!

March 2, 2005

I know its been really easy for me to act pretty normal. It's been really easy to act like nothing is really going on. No one has ever seen any of it. Most of it happened at times when no one could see. I know a couple of pills and my body will stop freaking out but still to have someone see any of it feels like it's actually happening. There are times that it was easy to act like it wasn't because no one else really knew. And even if they knew they didn't see so it was easy to just make it go away. But now what do I do. Someone's seen it. A very minor one but someone's seen it. I kept telling myself I didn't wanna drag anyone else into this. It's no one else's problem, it's mine but now that someone's seen one of the hard nights...it feels like I'm making this someone else's problem. No one but me should have to worry about whether I'm gonna make it through the next day or not. (I mean I have enough drugs to calm myself when things in my bosy start freakin out and happen but still). I'm confused. I just wish this wasn't happening...and I wish it would stop..in whatever form that may be...because just sitting and wondering about it just makes it worse.

It's like in that movie The Shawshank Redemption. Either get busy living or get busy dying. Hate to sound blunt but I really wish it were that easy.

February 27, 2005



Just thought I'd add a pic of Mr. Hubby himself. Funny some of you guys are totally gonna recognize him. He looks the same as this pic all except he works out a lot more and is on the track team this semester so now he has more muscles! Anyway just thought I'd put this up here. We had an "addiction" conversation last night on the phone for about 3 hours! He was admitting all the things about me he's addicted to, my butt(lol), my eyes, me being way too nice and tolerable with other people(which actually balances out his bluntness with people who are intolerable or acting immature). He's a lot like my dad...and ya know what they say, a girl ends up marrying a guy like their dad.

Another funny thing is we really decided we don't really have anything in common. I mean he's all math and science and I'm just psychology and music and he knows nothing about music and that's my huge obsession. It's cool though, I told him about my parents and how they have nothing, I mean NOTHING in common and actually has made their 27 year marriage better than A LOT of parents I've ever known. It allows them to widen their interests and get to do things they normally wouldn't. For example, I know I don't really like fishing, or at least didn't last time I went but I know if I go over Spring break I'll have a blast because I'll get to do it with Mr. Hubby up there. It's really cool because I actually took him to a practice room and played one of the songs I've written to him. It was cool to get to share that with him even though it's not a huge obsession to him as it is to me. So in other words, we made some common ground, whether there is any or not which is awesome. Plus we both have really goofy personalities and he is the only guy who has seen the monster face in the morning when I wake up (that means I'm really comfortable around you). Anyway point being, I'm likin this guy more and more everyday. Anyway so yes now you guys have a pic so you can stop bothering me about it! lol Isn't he a cutie?! I'd love emails just like last time. Oh and I'll respond quickly to one email on here so I don't get anymore: the Orlando guy from Christmas break is not appearing in this journal anymore...please don't ask questions, I will just simply say it's not a concern anymore.

February 24, 2005

Ok so last night was Mr. Hubby's birthday. I wanted to do something different than he's ever had sooo...I know he loves fishing, he goes home often to work on this boat with his brother and fishes with his dad and brother soo...in order to be original instead of just getting him a shirt or something really general I got a tackle box...I got fish stickers and permanent markers and decorated it with waves and fish and it says his name on it and "I <3 Fish" and "I <3 2 Fish" and stuff like that I even wrote "Fisherman" in Hebrew on the back and "Fish" in Chinese on the back. It was so cute. Inside the tackle box I had this awesome car fragrance from Yankee Candle factory, this adorable porcelein bank that says "Fishing Fund" on it and a candy which sorta symbolized an inside joke we got going on (See he wears this pair of Sugar Daddy, the candy, pajamas every time he spends the night so I got him the candy...hehe) and the tackle box also had two cards in it. You know I can never pick out one card! Anyway I also cooked him dinner, my roommate tryin to be Ms. Hitch lit candles and stuff which was nice. And since he's a really fit, in shape guy and watches his weight and i've been doing so for a while then I made him strawberry shortcake instead of a real birthday cake. It was so awesome. He loved it! He said it was very thoughtful and couldn't believe I went through so much trouble. Thing is I THRIVE off of holidays and birthdays because it gives me a chance to do creative stuff like make the tackle box and make dinner, I LOVE doing that kind of stuff, anyway it was really fun and really awesome. We were supposed to go miniature golfing but we got rained out so we ended up watchin a movie here at the house which was fine by me! ;0) Anyway so things in that department are goin good. My roommie was like "sooo...going by any new title, are you guys official yet??" I was like "no, no titles! We're keeping things casual and fun for now, we'll get more serious the longer we date, no reason to rush" His dad was like "why haven't we met this girl yet?" He was like "She doesn't live here, calm down, you'll meet her" Hoping the whole meet the parents thing won't happen over Spring break...I guess we'll see..Anywho so things are going good with all that.

Having a bit of trouble with my health lately. I have lack of appetite because sometimes I get real sick and been getting migraines a lot...the doctor said I'd feel pretty sick this next week because I'm about to take my second half of treatment tommorrow. I'm a lil nervous but it's ok. They took more blood yesterday, 3 viles of it, I have a bruise on my arm where the needle was...sucks :0(

I have half of a song recorded! Just the guitar part. My friend's seeing what kind of effects he can add to the background as far as other instruments are concerned and then we'll record my voice on top. It's pretty cool, looks like its gonna take a while but it's all good in the neighborhood! It's exciting and fun being in front of that microphone...I feel so at home, it feels natural.

Anyway got some emails from you girls and very glad everything is going well! I hope I can see most of you for Spring Break! Woohoo, I love you guys!

February 22, 2005

OK...falling much faster now. Am I actually falling for a guy who is actually in my own league?! It's astounding. A hard working guy who's in school at the same time...it's amazing, I've only REALLY dated one successful guy...ever. I mean obviously I've "seen" or "dated" guys who were successful but never had a good college guy get to the "he's almost my boyfriend" stage much less boyfriend stage except one boyfriend and that was Mark who was working full time and in school when we were bf/gf 3 years ago. I mean I don't know what's wrong with me, normally I just attract guys that are pretty much opposite of me in every way but now...it appears I've attracted quite the opposite...someone like me, which is great! He listens to me go on about my day and tells me stories of his past, we talk about everything. There's just this spark there...well I finally acted on "the spark" I sorta kinda kissed him. I mean he kissed me and I kissed him back....oh boy did I kiss him back ;0). Let me just say our lips are very compatible for each other. Anyway so we've stayed up talking until the wee hours of the morning(or until one of us has an 8am class) the past nights and it's just been....awesome. I just had to get on here and vent(a good venting) Really awesome, a guy who's focused, really smart, cute, funny, and interesting into me. It's cool. I'm excited to see where the "oh my goodness he's almost my boyfriend" stage goes...I'm not pushing for a title at all. For all I care we could just "date" for a while. Having a title isn't that big of a deal as long as we're spending time together. And yes I have been "seeing" a few other guys BUT I haven't kissed any of them and it'd be pretty easy to go to just friends with each of them if something does happen with Mr. Potential Hubby. So I guess you could say I have plenty of options and so far very happy with where things are going. :0)

Also this guy is by far the most amazing pool player/personal instructor ever! We play pool together and he's so good at teachin me and helpin me get better. :)

As far as blood tests go I had some yesterday and all is the same...nothing has gotton worse but at the same time nothing has gotton better and I've had radiation in my body for four days now...but I still have the second treatment in this session, that's when most results are seen. So I guess we'll find out more in the next two weeks of whether or not the treatment worked. I have lots of people praying for me and glad to have the few that know about this whole thing behind me all the way. So all is still well.

I can't wait for Spring Break got lots of BIG plans! I'm glad Mr. Potential Hubby lives outside Orlando so we can hang out during Spring break too. I'll update more later and to answer a question emailed to me about last entry Mr. Potential Hubby is not on my web site anywhere. The pic at the top of this page is "for" him but he's not on the web site, not yet. I gotta choose which pic of him I want on here and maybe you guys will find it later. Funny thing is...he went to my high school we were just in different groups, he was into all the athletics while I didn't do too much of that in high school so some of you might know him and recognize him...but I'm not saying who he is yet. Maybe I'll surprise you all by bringing him to one of our outings! :0)

February 20, 2005

After these last few days I've been thinking over and over one question....Is it possible to fall so fast? I know we've been talking since December but wow...it was like this awesome friend vibe and a little bit of that flirtateous vibe, great conversations on the phone...I mean even over Christmas break we had great convos...I mean we kept that lil flirty vibe going but over these last few days it's just been really good. I mean really good conversations, even more flirting, crazy. I mean this guy is just so cool. I really was thinkin I didn't wanna find someone that I really connected with this year due to leaving for grad school across the country in 15 months but this guy and I just get along so well. It's crazy we haven't even kissed yet, I mean he's tried but I want to make sure that physical isn't why this guy is sticking around and apparently it's not which is just so awesome!

OK on a different note I went through my radiation on Friday morning....it went ok. I mean basically I'm gonna have radioactive fluid in me for the next week until I take my second treatment next Friday. Basically what it is is a heavy dose of a "cold" which will attack my white blood cells. (Those that are affected and healthy ones unforntunately that's where the catch is with cancer treatment) So the thing now is that I really can't be getting sick. I've worked 8 hours pretty much everyday the past 5 days (yes in addition to class) not fun but the money will be great. So anyway the only danger health wise right now is if I get sick (even a small cold) then potentially I couldn't make it through it because my immune system is so weak right now. So as long as I don't get sick for the next 2-3 weeks then I should be fine....the doctor's have no reason to believe this is not my last treatment to get rid of it. But I have decided that if this treatment doesn't work I'm not going to do it anymore...I mean there's no point, if it's my time to go I will, if not then I'll stay. So I guess you could say at spirit I am at peace. We'll see what happens.

So as of now I am very happy with life right now. Everything is good. I'm working a lot paying bills and having money extra. Seeing a REALLY awesome guy who's an engineering major. Technically we're not going by any titles, I don't really want to so if he wants to see anyone else he can, same goes for me. So I'm still "seeing other guys" still just hanging out with a few as friends only though and seeing what happens. Anyway so life is good! Minus the health thing and I have peace about it which makes it all better. I loved hearing about Valentine's Day from you guys! On wednesday I had an awesome night at church. I mean just really awesome I think the best prayer and worship time I've had in a while and at the end of the service there was resolution with my health and a few other loose ends. Which was cool. So anyway I'm glad everyone who wrote had an awesome Valentine's day, so did I! Love to hear more! Just email me!

February 14, 2005



Ahh another Valentine's Day gone by. I had a fun day and night, it all started with coming home from class to find a balloon and a lot of candy which is always nice! Thank you! Then later that night I got to just chill and make some cookies with a friend of mine, don't worry I let him take half of them home. We had a fun just goofing off and playin some Madden...then I went out to dinner with another guy friend of mine. We were celebrating being single together...I suppose you could label it a date. We got to spend lots of time just sitting and talking which is always nice before going to get dinner which was wonderful! Nice choice of restaurant! I have a HUGE Spanish test early in the morning so we came home after dinner. I had a surprise waiting for me here at the house when I got home I got to spend the next few hours with one cutie in particular who I was supposed to hang out with but he had band rehearsal. (His band is no joke!) Anyway so he was here when I got home and he quizzed me on some Spanish and left me with a sweet present for the special day ;0) So needless to say I had a really fun and eventful day. I'm glad I have so many close friends I got to share the holiday of love with. I had fun sending out mass e cards earlier. I think I copied and pasted my "friends" section of my email address book and sent everyone ecards. I hope everyone appreciated them, maybe I'll even get some ecards back thankin me. I love them things. Anyway so I hope everyone got a hug and a kiss from someone today, if not let me know I'll give you one next time I see you! Oh and thanks goes out also to a special someone who sent me some gorgeous flowers. Nice try with the secret admirer thing (there's only a few people who know and remember my favorite flower!) Thank you! They smell beautiful and I know lavendar isn't in season so I know you went through some trouble to find that much of it so thank you and we wil definately be hanging out Spring break(which by the way is March 4th-March 13th)!

Anyway got a long day tommorrow filled with a hard core test and work, woohoo.

I hope everyone else's night was wonderful, I'd love to hear about em, just email me! :0)

Oh and yea we finally finalized what dress I'm wearing at my sister's wedding, it's just like the dress at the end of "How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days" the yellow one Kate Hudson is wearing. Except it will be green not yellow and the back will be slightly higher so it's sitting a little higher than my butt crack, although it still will be low and silk too! Thank God I started that back and ab class again eh?

countdown: 4 days until first treatment, one week from recording!

Write me emails, I love to hear from you guys.

February 13, 2005

I MUST say thank you Jason for a lovely and affectionate filled weekend. I'm glad I have such an awesome best friend! I had a blast and needed the break, we both needed it! I'm glad we're able to make anything so much fun. Who else can I jam out singing at the top of my lungs with and always count on a back up singer?! It was "fantastic." And I'm glad I got to share all my church friends with you, my church "with no ugly boys!" Anyway it was a fabulous weekend and I was happy to have the break. OK...so the countdown starts. 5 days until my first big serious treatment(which after some inspirational words from my pastor back home I'm ready to face full head on!) and a week from Tuesday I begin recording my first solo cd! I'm so excited. We're even gonna get some pictures done to put on the front and to send out with my cd. I'm excited...I just keep thinkin I have 15 months to get a bite. 15 Months and I will be out of FSU and on my way to bigger and better things. Although one of my last entries was me bein pretty scared about the next week, I'm realizing more and more people beat odds worse than mine everyday with the grace of God and there's nothing to be scared of. Soo...I'm extrmemely tired I just hung out with someone for a while and that was fun, as always but I had a long eventful weekend and am going to bed. Tonight there is no one to cuddle with, but that's ok. I love my 10 huge pillows! They never fail me.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope everyone has an awesome night! I'm sure I'll write about mine later this week. I hope it's full of good eatin' and Madden but I'm sure whatever I get surprised with will be fun!